To have two, three or even more children in the family is certainly a great happiness. But sometimes this happiness is alloyed by the fact that children can’t get along with each other and they are constantly quarrel, arguing at trifles, or even fighting. This situation can occur regardless of the age difference between the children, theirgender, etc. How parentscan cope with children's wars, and how to restore peace in the family?
First of all, you must understand that,in most cases, the children have to sort out the relationship and resolve the conflict themselves. Many parents only amplify the conflict between children butting in and trying to reconcile the children. Of courseyou must act as a so-called "mediator" (a third party that is trying to reconcile all), but there is no point to go into children's "wrangles" by force.
Of course, many parents are rightly panic strickenby their worries that they can accidentally do harm the children and create the illusion that there are a "favorite child", who should be protected, and "offenders" who should be punished among children. However, some parents are still allowing this unfortunate mistake and usually selecting the youngest child as favorite. This is completely the wrong move! The parent should be the embodiment of justice, but selecting of the "favorite child" will give the child a rise to manipulate their parents with or without cause. Also it can lead to other children will set up against the favorite one and against the parents.
You should develop a clear strategy to resolve children's conflicts and never deviate from it,you should not make concessions to anyone, keep calm and be as objective as possible. To do this you can use the following recommendations.
1. Let your children talk. They should talk one by one. The first start party may be that who first expresses a wish, or is the most crying, the loudestscreaming and most "injured" party. If the conflict has led to a fight thenthe injuredone must speak outfirst. Then let another party to speak out. Teach children not to interrupt each other, not to put pressure on yourcompassion, and to be objective.
2. If the conflict moved to a fight, don’t rush to punish the children not understanding thefight cause. If the scandals and the fights break out regularly, you should think about the fact that your system of education is likely failed and should be revised. You can refer to a specialist in child psychology and take children on a special training. Your goal is to inform your children that conflict is an inevitable part of real life, but "fighting" is not a solution. Perhaps one of the children or both have a problem with inability to cope with stress and anger. You should teach them to do this, and not just punish them.
3. Hear your children, not just listen. Stay calm and try to reduce the emotional stressall possible ways. Distract the attention of the children with anything; they need to recover rapidlyfrom the quarrel. Then proceed to search for compromise in this situation. Don’t offer ready-made solutions for children;lead them to the fact that they can offer alternative solutions by themselves. If you always resolve disputes over children, they won’t learn to come out of the conflict situation in adult life.
4. Have control over the children. Set the measures of punishment and those are the same for all parties which will be executed if the parties start quarrel or fight. Explain that children should immediately speak to youwhen the conflict is brewing, or to solve their problems on their own and as adults. If one of your children demonstrates excessive proneness to conflict and constantly snitches, you should talk to him in private, you also can refer to a child psychologist.
Remember that conflicts are not just a part of our life, but also a kind of way to progress. Constructive conflict always leads to an improvement of actual relationships between people. Consider that children imitate the behavior of their parents. An illustrative example in education is stronger than thousands of repetition of any conditions. If the parents are trying to teach children to resolve their conflicts constructively, but quarrelling and brawling themselves, the children will never learn it. You may need to work on your own conflict and learn to compromise in conflicts that are taking place not only between children, but also in the conflict situations directly related to yourself.