Do you know how to explain to the child where the children come from?

13 November
2012



Someday every child asks about his birth. Modern educators and psychologists don’t recommend to parents to use traditional answers like "we’ve found you in cabbage", "we’ve bought you in the store," "Stork has brought you", etc. Usually children ask this question first in the age of 3-4 years (the so-called age of "Whyer"). This question is quite naturalfor a child, and you shouldn’t think that your child is spoiled. At this age, the child is actively explores the world and his desire to know where he came from is absolutely normal.

Who should answer this question - mom or dad? It doesn’t matter. Let that parent answerswho wasasked about it. But it’s better that the child receives notdiscordant information from both parents. So this issue should be previously talked over by the partners.

If the child asks you this question in the unsuitable place (on a visit, on the bus, etc.), then you should calmly explain to him that you will answer to it at home. Don’t forget to keep your promise on the same day. You shouldn’t take a delay, hoping that the child "will grow up and will understand by himself".You can lay the foundations of proper sex education, and the answers that the child will receive from his peers, other people, and the media, can have very bad impact on his future sexual culture.

Depending on the child’s age when he asked you this question, you need to give him an answer with varied amount of details. The main thing is tostay calm answering this question and say as serenely as if, for example, the child asks you why the grass is green. Your incorrect behavior can cause the unhealthy child's interest in this issue, but he doesn’t need this at all.

Your mission is to give concrete information, and not to scare the child and not to tell him improbablestories. But remember, you shouldn’t trigger early sexual development of the child, but just satisfy his interest at this age stage. Early sex expression of the child (the child thinks too much about sex and interested in it) will notlead to any good. So don’t go into details and don’t pay special attention of the child on the sexual matters.

Growing up, the child may turn again to you with the same issue. Appreciate the fact that the child came to you for the explanation, and not to someone else. Now you can add more details to the explanation, but again, don’t make a drama of this question. The younger the child is, the less information can satisfy him. For the most curious, as well as for children of 5-8 years, there are many good availablebooks that answer to this tricky question.

Recommended reading: "The Encyclopedia of sexual life for children 7-9 years" (K.Verdu, J.Kan-Nathan, J.Cohen), V.Dumont "Where did I come from? Sexual encyclopedia for children of 5 - 8 years old", D. Rubel "Study our body". Parents, who are not surethat they can’tproperly answer the question, have to purchase any of these books in advance.

Small children of 3-4 years old can accept very simple answer, such as "Momcarried you in her tummy, and then the doctor gotyou out there". But don’t forget to mention the role of the Dad in this process: "Mom and dad loved each other very much. Dad gave Mom a seed, which he planted in her tummy, and youbegan to growfrom this seed".

Older children need more clarifications: "Dad has a pipe through which he placed the seed into mom". At the age of 8-10 years you already can associate the "pipe" with the genital organ. In principle, children start to notice the differences between boys and girlsat 3-4 years, and this is very likely that one day they will try their own educational program inspecting each other.

It’s very important to get to the child the idea that the carrying of "seeds" and seeding them is the prerogative of adults. But you shouldn’t say aggressively to the child that "You are too little", "You need to grow up still". Just tell him that this natural process will happen in the futureitself, when the child becomes an adult and will meet the love.

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