Did you know how a child should be praised and what type of compliments may be harmful?10 October
There are two types of praise: the first praise is standard - "Well done!",so the child assumes the position of "My parents like me". Another kind of praise is the so-called praise with "I-message". It carries a dual meaning and sounds like "I'm proud of you". The child develops absolutely different, more complex and effective position: "I bring joy and satisfaction to the parents, so we are thewhole". Use both versions of praise as they are the constructive message for your child.
Please, specify your praise: praise your child not in the abstract, but for some action. Such praise is very sincere, and the child really feels that you treat him carefully. The realization that their parents care about the child’s acting brings him the unadulterated joy.
Praise your child for the little things, even if the behavior of your child afflicts you, mark some positive thing and praise for it. Don’t forget that what you perceive as a small thing for a child it can be a very serious. So you always have to find a reason to praise the child, not forgetting to specify the reason of your praise.
When praising you should not compare the child with other children, especially with brothers and sisters. Let your child know about his success as it is a unique achievement. There is nothing worse than praise of this type: "Of course, you’re well done, but your sister was much smarter in your age ". Avoid these comparisons - they bring down the children's self-confidence and become the reason for the formation of low self-esteem.
Never mix praise with any reproach! Do not say: "Well, you're finally done, you’ve cleaned your room, you have always mess there!" This message is not constructive: reproach touches the child more than the praise will affect him.
The praise should be deserved! Undeserved praise provokes retroaction: "overpraised" children, who are praised too much for everything, sometimes begin to misbehave to check whether you praise him for such bad behavior. Please, dose your praise gently, but don’t be stingy on it.
Remember, you should not praise the child himself, but his acting. Do not use general terms such as "You're a wonderful child!", it isbetter to praise the child for a specific action. Some day or other your child begins to doubt himself, and he will have an obsessive fear of doing something that will ruin this beautiful and perfect image in the eyes of parents and others. Or, the opposite way: the above mechanism will work and the child begins to check beyond the limits, thinking that once the parents love him so much, theywill praise even his abominable behavior.
As can be seen from the above the main rule of praise is to praise the acting of the child, not his personality.